Age: Juicy A is 28. She doesnt look it and she totally doesnt act it.

All in the name, yo!: The name "juicy a" came from a website where you entered your name and it tells you what your name would be if you were someone's prison bitch. The "A", naturally, stands for "ass". She shortened it to "a" because too many people were coming to the site expecting hard core pornography...and she was only offering mild soft core erotica.

The real name is less exciting, but more Polish. Has also answered to the names Lola and Fire When Ready.

locale: Somewheres in Calgary. Calgary stinks. Its either too damn hot or too damn cold here. And whats with the wind? Hmmm. Maybe its just because Im an Edmontonian. Go Oilers Go!

Currently lives at, duh, the intersections of 13 and 13...but in the process of moving in with Jer [the Jewish mailman who plays a lot of hockey and, sadly, cheers for the Flames.]

Career: Some sort of family lawyer. Y'know, like gets people divorced and goes after dead beat dads for child support. Sometimes its rewarding... sometimes I want to smack people around and tell them to suck it up. I wish i could make money doing what i really do: ignoring clients when they call me 20x a day and blogging. No, Im really not that bad. Just im in a ranty mood right now. Some of the other jobs i have held:
- Bylaw appeals officer: i was the person people would come to complain about getting a ticket. Not exactly a rewarding or pleasant experience.
- Deli worker: I cut off half of my right index finger on a meat slicer.
- Hearings officer: i literally deported people as a summer job. Chinese gangsters, Columbian smack dealers, and scared grandmas...i did it all.
- insurance lawyer: y'know when you get in an accident and your insurance company calls you and says "no, we arent going to fix your car...and your insurance is going up 150%?" ya. i was the one who told them to do it. sorry.

Favourites:
Colour: red

Food: sushi, fried chicken, hotdogs [ all 3 will be served at my wedding]

Drinks: ones with alcohol... except Rye [whiskey to the USA]cuz it makes me "go Albertan" aka makes me start fights with guys and girls if they look at me funny or say something i perceive as 'fightin words'. I once head-butted some girl at a bar because i thought she called me ugly. My friends told me later she, in fact, had been complimenting my shoes. My fave drinks, if i must choose, are Caesars [ thats Clamato, vodka, worchestershire sauce and tabasco.] and Champagne.

Book: Trainspotting;

Movie: see above, also Run Lola Run

Television show: [its sucked lately, but] the Simpsons, Family Guy, Jackass and Kids in the Hall

Sexual position: The 'Alison' -- involves standing up and humping like bunnies in a semi-public place and stifling the moans

Places in the world: Cannes, France; Barcelona, Spain; Caye Caulker, Belize.

Animal: To have-- Doggies and horsies [especially ones that will run around a track and make me some money] in General-- Bison [they are so cute... Jer is kinda like having a bison around most of the time, but smells better]

Automobile: 2005 Volkswagen Jetta [ Obi Wan Volknobi would be mad if i said different] but someday when i grow up im getting a Saab.

Place to meet boys: the Deli counter at the Co-op.

Celebrity: I find the whole glorification of celebrities abysmal... but i have crushes on Vince Vaughn, Johnny Knoxville, and pro BMX rider Dave Mirra.

Things i could not live without: eyeliner, coffee [i tried once, it was eeevvviiilll], shoes in which to out run the cops. I also used to say booze, but i think ive cut back about 500% in the last 8 mths.

Turn- ons:

- my boyfriend, Jeremy. [duh]
- humping
- humping my boyfriend
- drinking. [ especially Caesars]
- drugs.
- riding my bike
- video games
- X - Games [ its like porn to me]
- tattoos and piercings

Turn- offs:

- cell phones
- answering machines
- breast implants
- yellow cars
- roller blades
- hip hop music and those who enjoy it
- my ex boyfriends


Cast of Characters:

[ie. people who are mentioned more than one or 2 times]

Juicy: me. [duh]

Jer: my beloved boyfriend. He likes hockey. A lot. Too much sometimes. He also likes sandwiches, rock n roll, back rubs, my butt, and more sandwiches. He has taught me much about off-sides and the blue line, the operations of the Canadian postal system, and Jewish holidays.

The Digit: Former racing greyhound and all around great guy. He loves to play, be petted, and fart. His website is here: Digit's Life of Leisure

Lemon: my sister. She often posts comments... they are anonymous, but she always signs her name. She is married to Turnip, and is mother to Doobie and Turkey.

Lu: [aka best friend Toronto] went to law school with me...has witnessed first hand a lot of my stupidity. She's Sicilian and i bet she could get someone whacked.

Weener: [aka best friend Vancouver] went to undergrad with me... also a lawyer and is very easy to convince to do stupid things. My fave memories of her are the time i gave her ecstacy and we became 'Ice Princess and Firewhenready'and when she spilled coffee all over her desk in French 150 and the prof said she was "Degoutante" [that means disgusting].

Peanut: [aka Gay best friend] He came with me to Europe.. i go with him to gay bars. Im his funnest fag hag.

Nic, Birchie, Miss Mo, Christa, Estepper: the posse. Useda be my gaggle of girlfriends who travelled with me to the bars and parties of Calgary searching for new randoms to bed. Now, we just go for coffee or lunch.

Ex-boyfriends [ i guess i should mention these losers, they do come up quite often]:
Super -ex: [1996-2000] Blah, not going there. Still want my CDs back.
Ian [aka Vancouver ex]: Summer 2002, No comment
Dumbass [ what was his name again? i cant recall...musta blocked it out]: Summer 2003, Stupid fucker.
The Boy [Marco]: Summer 2004, What was I thinking?
Internet Boy/ Mila Fall 2004, He was messed up... but he did fix my computer. Not too impressed with him right now cuz he racked up late charges on my Rogers Video account.  ¶ 10:21 AM